Introduction
In the professional world, we often celebrate assertiveness, confidence, and the ability to set clear boundaries—at least until they come from a woman. For years, studies and personal accounts have shown that women who express these qualities can be met with far different reactions than their male counterparts, particularly if their boss is insecure or threatened by their potential.
This double standard undermines individual women and creates a hostile work environment that stifles growth, productivity, and morale. Let’s explore the unique challenges assertive women face and why these perceptions are damaging for everyone involved.
The Double Standard in Assertiveness
When men assert themselves in the workplace, setting boundaries or advocating for their needs, it is often interpreted as strength, leadership potential, or professionalism. Phrases like “taking charge” and “demonstrating leadership” are commonly used, and these behaviours are generally encouraged and respected.
In contrast, women who show the same assertiveness are more likely to encounter pushback, sometimes being labelled as “difficult,” “overly emotional,” “insubordinate” or even “aggressive.” This is especially true when the assertive woman has an insecure boss who perceives her behaviour as directly threatening his authority. These reactions stem from deeply ingrained biases about how women “should” behave, even though this view is outdated, counterproductive, and unfair.
Why Insecure Leaders Are Threatened by Assertive Women
When a leader—especially one who feels insecure—encounters assertiveness in a woman, it can trigger defensiveness. Rather than seeing assertive behaviour as a professional strength, the insecure boss may interpret it as challenging or threatening his authority. Instead of recognising and valuing the woman’s potential contributions, the boss may respond by diminishing her, setting unnecessary obstacles, or criticising her in subtle or overt ways.
Such behaviour is a clear sign of insecurity. A confident leader would celebrate an assertive employee, regardless of gender, seeing it as an opportunity to build a strong team. When leaders let their insecurities colour their perceptions, the workplace becomes fraught with tension and missed opportunities.
The Impact of Gendered Reactions on Women’s Careers
When women are penalised for the same behaviours rewarded in men, their career growth is often stunted. Assertive women may be passed over for promotions, excluded from decision-making conversations, or unfairly reprimanded. Over time, this can weaken a woman’s confidence and diminish her motivation to speak up and contribute fully.
This creates a vicious cycle. Talented, assertive women may either conform to a more passive, less authentic version of themselves or leave the organisation searching for a more inclusive environment. Not only is this detrimental to their career progression, but it’s also a significant loss to the organisation.
How to Break the Double Standard: Practical Strategies for Women
If you find yourself in a situation where your assertiveness is perceived negatively, particularly by an insecure boss, here are strategies to consider:
- Communicate Clearly and Professionally: Use calm, clear language to express your ideas, needs, and boundaries. Being straightforward can help avoid misunderstandings and minimise the chance of your tone being misinterpreted as “aggressive.”
- Seek Allies and Mentors: Having allies in your organisation who value your contributions can provide a support system. Mentors, especially those in leadership, can offer guidance on navigating these dynamics and advocate for you when necessary.
- Document Your Interactions: If you suspect your boss’s insecurity is causing unfair treatment, keep records of interactions where you feel you’re being treated differently. Documentation can provide a clear picture if you decide to escalate or discuss the issue with HR.
- Focus on Outcomes, Not Reactions: When possible, shift focus away from how people might react to your assertiveness and toward the outcomes you’re achieving. Emphasising results can demonstrate that your approach benefits the team and the organisation.
- Protect Your Confidence: Remember that these reactions are a reflection of biases and, often, the insecurities of others—not a reflection of your abilities. Maintain your confidence, even when others challenge it.
These reactions are a reflection of biases and often, insecurities of others – not a reflection of your abilities.
Why Organisations Need to Address Gendered Double Standards
While these strategies can help women navigate challenging situations, the responsibility for change lies with organisations and leaders. Addressing the double standard in perceptions of assertiveness benefits everyone—women, men, and the company. Here’s how:
- Leadership Training: Leaders should undergo training on gender biases and understand how they can affect their perceptions and interactions. Teaching leaders to value assertiveness equally in men and women can create a more inclusive workplace.
- Encouraging Inclusive Feedback: Leaders should be encouraged to give feedback based on an employee’s performance and contributions, not on their gender or perceived personality. Constructive, specific feedback ensures that all employees understand their strengths and areas for improvement fairly.
- Creating a Culture of Psychological Safety: Employees who feel they can express themselves without fear of bias or unfair criticism are more likely to bring their full potential to the table. A culture of respect and inclusion allows everyone to thrive.
- Promoting Equal Opportunities: Companies that promote equality in promotions, pay, and recognition encourage a healthy environment where all employees can advance based on merit rather than perceptions rooted in gender biases.
Conclusion
The double standard in how assertive women are perceived compared to assertive men remains one of the most significant obstacles to workplace equality. When we continue to penalise women for behaviour that is praised in men, we not only limit individual potential but also the potential of our organisations. Assertiveness, clarity, and boundary-setting are valuable skills, regardless of who exhibits them.
As we move forward, let’s create environments where all employees are encouraged to express themselves, set boundaries, and pursue excellence without fear of judgment or retaliation. Only then can we realise a genuinely equitable workplace that benefits everyone.
